Humorous Engineer Anecdotes
These are real entries from aircraft maintenance log books. The pilot writes up the defect in the logbook, then the engineers rectify (or otherwise) the problem and write the corrective (or otherwise) action beneath the pilots entry.
P = Pilot: E = Engineer.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
E: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
E: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
E: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
E: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
E: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
E: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
E: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
E: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
E: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Aircraft handles funny.
E: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
E: Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
E: Took hammer away from the midget